Straitjacket

two weeks ..



it's been two weeks, and it's about to jump up to the third week, i still haven't gotten settled in .. been lookin' out for a reason but i've gotten a writers' block too and tell you what, it's been the longest writers' block i've had in 2-3 years of time ..


it's got nothin' to do with the reasons, for reasons, i need to ponder more than writing and i don't seem to get a hold of things and they seem to slip away like i never owned them before ..


everytime, i try to write down something, i just feel like, i'm trying to drag myself into something i'm not ready for as yet or maybe, i don't wanna disclose myself ..


i've been sitting vacant, much time to contemplate about things and things and things and things and things (it'll never halt) .. but still, i haven't been discovering myself. say, something holds me back from devour sometime with me.


i guess, it's kind of start of a new era, where things have gone a bit wayward, a chaos of thoughts in mind that have to be liberated as soon as possible but the way is discreet and hard to find ..


lately, i've been brooding over the terms "literal" and "literally".both terms heralds same connotations, it's just, both are one of same kinds, that are used in different ways.


so, what i concluded is that, when not to dissect something hook line and sinker and go down the line on own assumptions whether they're authentic or invalid .. i mean, to assume things about something without even scrutinizing about it.this mainly is practised by them who really don't have perspective about affiliations, correlations and say, kinship.they don't dig deep down, never understand you in one go and you always owe them an explanation, explanations at times.i'm over them and seriously, i've moved on ..


yeah, i'd been under spell of writers' block but lately, so much stuff has possessed me, i'm not gonna share too confidential stuff but some stuff that i could talk out publically and i tell you, i'll be more fathomable and too-easy-to-get with you ..


too many pick-up lines, uncanny thoughts and devious moves been walking around me.all started, when i felt the hasty convulse of my baby cousin's heart, i tell you, i could see through him, the fear flowing through his body like he might have gotten hurt, if nobody was there, to hold him, to keep him from falling.you see, even the minor souls could feel that split-second, the turn of obscure into the sparkles of finding back the verve, the life.i was moved, yet amazed ..


then it comes to the "embraces".you know, there are lot of things, we notice, we pass by, some remain un-noticed but the worst part is, to be remained un-noticed after being noticed.let me enlighten.two archetypes.i'll spill out both.let's start from what i noticed first.the other night, i was watching this movie called "crazy heart".no movie details, straight to what i have to elucidate.the catch is, jeff bridges known as bad blake in the movie, a country singer, whom lyrics in that movie inspired me the most.


"everything happens for a reason, even when it's wrong, especially when it's wrong"


they're actually masterpiece to one's thinking only if that "one" thinks deep.for me, they're masterpiece i tell you why.we mostly already are familiar with this but whenever we come to the situation, we get deprived of looking back at it and we can't help react "literally". this is the reason i talked about "literal" in the preceding, to tell you that, we never think of all those reasons them who are the real catch behind the situation and we give in to anger, insanity and frivolousness.happens with everyone, me too.everything happens for a reason, and we create those reasons, not those aliens them who have never shown up as yet.


second archetype, from another movie i watched recently, the "inception".many of the people anticipated for this movie and i wanna accolade them all.the catch is, there comes a part when leonardo di caprio explains to ellen page about the part of the dreams that we might have noticed but it's kinda remained un-noticed 'cause it never goes to much importance, you know.he tells her like "we see dreams but we never get to know, how'd we get in there, how'd they start" (they ain't from the script, i made 'em up like from no where they came) i mean, what he says is totally real for god sake's!.the movie's epic and so is the music.


the point of telling you all this is, we need to embrace things up, things we notice about everything, about ourselves and about other people and embrace them, confess them and fess them up.


get real for one goddamn time and i tell you, it will never have felt this much good.people might get mad at you but who's perfect, eh? not even aliens are.


now, what i wanna embrace is, about myself, specifically, i get aggressive all-the-time! i have a part of me, child-ish still, i embrace.i don't read archives about nothing, i'm not into technology and stuff, i embrace. most of the people don't get me and i owe them explanation, i embrace. i make jokes that never make no one laugh but me and i still embrace.i write and my writings depict me more mature than i really am but i tell you, everyone has instincts that really, you know, make them child-ish a bit, everyone has them.even you, me, he, she. they, every friggin' human, don't believe me? try wearing new good clothes, get a new haircut, buy new fragnance, get invitation from a friend for some party, and then, look into the mirror and you'll figure it out.i embrace, a part of us is childish.i don't update me with socio-hecktilical stuff, i embrace.

everyone wants to be different, in thier own way but deep down, we all realize, we follow some of the people we secretly cherish and you know, if we stop caring how the others' would feel about you, we'll never find a better reason to let go all of it but still, there's a part of the heart, that cares and we feel it but we won't show vivdly 'cause like i said, we all want to be different in our own way.whatever the thing is, if we really want to let go all of it, we should embrace the real us, the one lives who lives inside us and the one, that shlep along with us like our shadow does ..


your flaws are you, so is your superfluity, keep them both with you, nobody needs perfection, blend is what to be accoladed ..